Letter by: Chad Wagner Posted on: Thursday, June 6th 2002 11:18 PM Written: Wednesday, January 31st 2001 {Psycho Jay and Rob Kestler are walking down the street talking about the social class system of cold war Russia. Psycho Jay find a letter on the ground...} Psycho Jay "Let me hold this letter up to the camera for a long time." {Psycho Jay holds the letter up to the camera. It reads...} Dear Aunt Annie of Aunt Annie's Bargain Basement Discount Yarn Warehouse, My name is Yohan Smith and I've been shopping your warehouse for all of my yarn needs for years...in fact, since the first time I moved into the monastery nearby. I've always been very satisfied with your merchandise and service. Much better than your local competition Evil Andy's Yarn Hut I have to say. In fact, it was so good that I did say it, breaking my vow of silence to the monk order to which I belong. But it was worth it for your yarn and service. But last week I came into your store and all was as usual. The friendly smiles, the happy greeting, the little monkey used as a cart servant.....everything was the same except for one travesty that I just couldn't over look, the lack of yarn in the color of peace and prosperity, olive. Sure, plenty of forest green and aqua green (which is more blue thank you very much princess color) and even plain Jane green. Olive green is good enough to be a God damned US Army standard color (not that I endorse any army due to the Zen like state of peace in which I like to live my life, but for this one time I would glad back up an army to personally relieve you of the mortal toil) but not good enough for your two bit yarn shanty? Give me a break here Grandma. Honestly, the last thing I need right now is for you to turn on me you blue haired douche goblin. Once I was kicked out of the monastery I was forced to live off of garbage scraps since there's not a whole lot of work out there for unemployed monks. But at least I had your yarn to get me through the tough times. Oh, but not any more you selfish carpet munching hag. In the last week I've had to deal with getting used to tainted crack in order to escape the pain that is life. Do you know what it's like to get your Earthly pleasures from a crab cake named Wanda? Actually, you probably do. Whore. I've got to end this since Jose is coming and I don't want to have to tell him what I did with his stash. In conclusion, you're a cancerous lesion on the face of this planet and I hope that you live the rest of your days in a state of constant pain. Kill yourself. Lick my shorn balls, Yohan Smith Rob Kestler "Yohan Smith is cool." {Fade.}