Eskithulhu by: Garth Thompson Posted on: Tuesday, August 6th 2002 4:42 PM Written: Thursday, July 25th 2002 {Open to The Last Eskimo standing on the forbidden island of R'lyeh.} TLE "Damnable rising islands, giving the white race more land to steal and exploit!" {Suddenly a half-man-half-fish walks up from the ocean.} TLE "Stand back, white man!" Creature "Bloorp?" TLE "If you take one step further I will consider it an act of war upon soverign Eskimo soil!" Creature "Gurgledoodle?" TLE "Ah, like many members of your caucasian species you are incapable of any logical speech." Creature "Nuke is a god among men." {TLE harpoons the half-man-half-fish, killing it.} TLE "Now to survey the new home of the Inuit." {TLE navigates the non-euclidian geometries surprisingly well and finds himself outside a massive crypt, sealed with the elder sign.} TLE "Aah, a white man has died here, always a good sign. But he left a message in blood." {The message in blood reads "Remove the sign and all of humanity will perish.} TLE "As the white man's lips tell only lies so do his words. I will remove the sign and it will bring a new age of prosperity and world dominance for my people." {TLE goes to remove the elder sign, but the midget Kestler/Austin Powers ripoff does a flying kick to his hands.} Midget Kestler "Yaaaaaaaaaaaah! Saving humanity!" TLE "A miniature white man. How symbolic. You're a zoomin' towards a harpoonin'" Midget Kestler "No! You can't stop my goodness! Vagrond, kill!" {Pushed in from off camera "Baby Vagrond" emerges in the form of an iguana in a little mailman's outfit that would look cute on a cat or dog but just looks plain retarded on the iguana.} Baby Vagrond "" TLE "What is the matter, white midget, could Rob Kestler not clone the real Vagrond?" Midget Kestler "His skin was too dense to scrape off and his saliva burned holes in every petri dish." {R'lyeh begins to sink back into the ocean.} Midget Kestler "derp" {Baby Vagrond looks at the midget Kestler as if to say, 'let's use The Last Eskimo's parka as a floatation device to get back to land.'} Midget Kestler "Good idea!" {They do this.} Midget Kestler "minidoodle" {Fade as Baby Vagrond stares blankly at the camera as if to say, 'I'm sick and tired of your racism, Psycho Jay. I was born an iguana and I'm happy with who I am. Feet don't fail me now!'}