Chad's Utopia . Com - Nothing part 1 - The hilarious stories of Rob Kestler as told by Chad Wagner and Garth Thompson

Nothing part 1
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Tuesday, August 13th 2002 10:57 PM
Written: Saturday, January 13th 2001

{Fades into Tod in Japan...}

Tod "I wonder what Rob Kestler is doing without me hanging out in his porn store that he no longer frequents?"

{Fades to Kestler in a jungle. Kestler picks up a small walky talky...}

Walky Talky "Your mission, should you choose to not ignore it like everyone else, is to ELIMINATE Scott Stone's species. This message will turn into Chedderwurst in 5 seconds."

{Message changes into Cheddarwurst...}

Kestler "God's message is clear! I must eliminate them! But what are they?"

{Kestler's sits and wonders what species Scott Stone is...}

Kestler "I wonder what species Scott Stone is."

{Kestler pulls a "species" book out of a tree and flips through it...}

Kestler "This isn't helping at all. It's just half naked pictures of Natasha Henstridge."

{Kestler throws it aside. Quickly a midget Michael Dudley runs out from a bush and grabs the book...}

Dudley "HEHE! Thingies and boobies! Now I can take this and watch Black Scorpion and the Science Fiction Channel and it'll be like ejaculatory overload!"

{Kestler notices the midget...}

Kestler "Hey! What are you doing here?!"

{Dudley midget puts the book behind his back...}

Dudley "Saving the rain forest and eventually going to get head and shit from Caren like any good boy would. Nothing else. What are you suggestion....leave me alone!"

Kestler "What are you doing out of cryogenic freezing?"

Dudley "I just told you."

Kestler "You're not supposed to be thawed out until the person you make fun of is back in the IWO. No one will get the strange references from almost a year ago."

Dudley "Ah, a year ago. Back in the golden ages. When life was good and I was getting a lot of sex and sex and sex and was the world champion."

Kestler "That was before John came in and made things fun and interesting. Which I guess was the end of the golden age and the beginning of hell freezing over."

Dudley "Until Evan took over and made the IWO into bliss! It was great."

Kestler "You weren't there."

Dudley "I can still watch."

Kestler "Are you a Scoot Stone species?"

Dudley "No."

Kestler "I don't care."

{Kestler eliminates the Dudley midget....well, this one...}

Kestler "My Mission continues! I must eliminate the Scott Stone species!"

{Scene fades out and Kestler plans his next move.}