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Rob Kestler trying to repent
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Tuesday, August 13th 2002 11:20 PM
Written: Friday, January 12th 2001

{Scene fades into Psycho Jay's bathroom is also happy and the sun is shining and all of that good stuff. Kestler is wearing a beard of garlic and a bee suit and is kneeling in front of Mike Extreme's dead whore mother's tombstone/toilet seat. Psycho Jay walks into the room..."

Psycho Jay "What the hell...."

{Jay looks at Kestler....}

Psycho Jay "Dude, I don't know what the hell kind of ritual you do before you take a dump but couldn't you do this somewhere else."

{Kestler looks confused for a second and then manages to pull together thoughts...}

Kestler "Oh, no. I'm just trying to summon Allah so that I can repent for losing to Scott Stone somehow."

Psycho Jay "Didn't you completely not care or something?"

Kestler "Pretty sure that was it."

Psycho Jay "Are you sure?"

Kestler "Don't you have home movies from that time, we could check those to be sure."

Psycho Jay "To the VCR!"

{The quickly run to the VCR. Psycho Jay grabs out a video tape marked "stuff" and puts it in the VCR. The tape begins to play and Psycho Jay is apparently operating the camera and acting as narrator....}

Psycho Jay "Now we're going to find Robert Kestler who is preparing to face Scott Stone in some kind of wrestling contest or whatever gimmick match the IWO board thought would make people giggle but just turn out to fail miserably."

{Jay's camera finds Kestler playing Matrix Twister...}

Psycho Jay "What are you doing?"

Kestler "Playing Matrix Twister."

Psycho Jay "What the hell is Matrix Twister."

Kestler "It's like Twister but when you move you have to move in hyper flashy motion matrix style stuff. Like really fast or with the stopped rotating camera effect and stuff like that. It's like a whole new philosophy on Twister."

Psycho Jay "It just seems weird and strange."

Kestler "But it's like the Matrix."

{Kestler moves right hand blue and makes a woosh sound...}

Kestler "Hey Jay, remember when we were in that camper playing naked Twister?"

Psycho Jay "No, that was you and Vincent and a bunch of IWO poo goblins, not me."

Kestler "Huh?"

Psycho Jay "Besides, you trapped yourself in a shower and it was never explained how you escaped."

Kestler "And it was never explained who won! I declare myself IWO Little Brother in a Camper winner!"

Psycho Jay "Dude, no one cares."

Kestler "Not even you?"

Psycho Jay "Especially me."

Kestler :-(

{Cuts back to Kestler and Jay in the present...}

Kestler "Maybe I was training hard. I can't tell."

Psycho Jay "Matrix Twister. Great training Rob. That's right up there with pasta whippings."

{Shows midgets Levine and Kosoy whipping each other with pasta. Back to present...}

Kestler "Ah yes, those were good times."

Psycho Jay "Do us talking have any purpose any more?"

Kestler "I don't think so."

Psycho Jay "Me either."

Kestler "But that doesn't stop a majority of the IWO from cutting promos."

Psycho Jay "This is true."

Kestler "Hey Jay, I want to go and try to kill off a rain forrest species because deforestation isn't doing it fast enough."

Psycho Jay "First good idea I've heard all day."

{They leave. In walks a midget Billy Ray...}

Billy Ray "IWO board, I love you long time."

{Fade to Tony Davis dancing a little jog or something.}