Chad's Utopia . Com - Rob Kestler...Genius? - The hilarious stories of Rob Kestler as told by Chad Wagner and Garth Thompson

Rob Kestler...Genius?
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Tuesday, August 13th 2002 11:21 PM
Written: Monday, November 13th 2000

{Scene fades into a laboratory which is all fancy and has test tubes made from glass and not plastic like some of the imitators. Rob Kestler and Professor IQ are staring at each other oddly. This continues for many minutes...finally, it ends...}

IQ "Well, from my diagnosis I would say that you definitely don't have attention deficit disorder."

{Kestler is playing with his belly button...}

IQ "Robert!"

Kestler "Huh?"

IQ "Do you know why you're here?"

Kestler "Because Uri Geller impregnated a virgin named Sherry and gave birth to me."

IQ "No, think more recent than that."

Kestler "Ummmm...The spermicide failed?"

IQ "No, that was the answer to the Sparrow question that I was going to put on a bad transcript for you to read so that you could sound like a hard ass."

{Kestler is watching a fluid bubble in a beaker...}

IQ "Robert!"

Kestler "Yep."

IQ "Do you remember why you're here?"

Kestler "Because I walked here?'

IQ "No Rob, you're here because we're going to test your overall intelligence level."

Kestler "Oooooooo...moodoodles."

IQ "Moodoodles?"

Kestler "It's a word. It means Moodoodle."

IQ "Alright Robert. Let's get to the tests. First, a simple sensory logic problem..."

{IQ holds up a white ball...}

IQ "What color is this ball?"

Kestler "White."

IQ "Excellent job!"

{IQ holds the ball behind a semi-transparent blue filter...}

IQ "Robert, what color is the ball?"

Kestler "Blue."

IQ "It LOOKS blue Rob, but what color is it REALLY?"

{Kestler looks confused...}

Kestler "Light blue?"

IQ "No Rob.. Never mind, next test."

{Suddenly Psycho Jay runs in fresh from the gym. No, not Jim like a gay lover even though we all know what his name sounds like...}

Psycho Jay "Come on Rob, we have to beat up some people who can't wrestle well."

Kestler "I'm getting my intelligence tested."

Psycho Jay "Don't worry about that Rob. It's as useful as testing a desert for water."

Kestler "Moodoodle."

Psycho Jay "Moodoodle?"

Kestler "It's a word. It means Moodoodle."

Psycho Jay "Hey, I'm facing Arrows and you're facing Sparrow and the sound the same so they rhyme just like my name rhymes."

Kestler "Your name rhymes with something?"

IQ "Yes, it rhymes with Ray like in a cathode ray tube."

Kestler "No, it rhymes with Jay."

IQ "That's the same word."

Kestler "Day?"

IQ "May?"

Kestler "Fay."

IQ "Yay."

Kestler "Bay."

Random black guy "DY-NO-MITE!"

Psycho Jay "What's up with you?"

Random black guy "Just hanging onto the 70s with everything I've got!"

Psycho Jay "No, Jay rhymes with not a jobber. Let's go and make people wish that they actually could wrestle well."

Kestler "Oaky."

{Kestler and Jay leave. Vincent is still going to get head. Fade to Pacific Ocean.}