Chad's Utopia . Com - Scandal - The hilarious stories of Rob Kestler as told by Chad Wagner and Garth Thompson

Scandal
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Tuesday, August 13th 2002 11:24 PM
Written: Tuesday, October 30th 2001

{Fade into Rob Kestler and Cassie sitting in a pile of hay on Cassie's
farm...}

Cassie "HAY IS SILLY!"

{Cassie begins to spasm with glee. Rob Kestler just stares into the sky
with a blank look in his eyes...}

Cassie "HAY IS FUN!!!"

{Cassie frolicks in the hay a little bit more but eventually realizes that
Rob isn't joining in on the activities...}

Cassie "Whatcha thinking about."

Kestler "Snow, candyland, sad movies, disasters, you know, the usual."

Cassie "Oh, ok!"

{Cassie frolicks some more but Rob still doesn't get into it...}

Cassie "Is there something else?"

Kestler "Well..."

Cassie "Derp?"

Kestler "No, more than derp."

Cassie :-o

Kestler "I'm just pondering an age old question..."

Cassie "What's that?"

Kestler "Who do I want to be like?"

Cassie "Hmmmmm....Martha Stewart."

Kestler "No, less maniacal."

Cassie "Jesus."

Kestler "Been there, done that."

Cassie "bin Laden?"

Kestler "Who?"

{Suddenly Michael Jordan appears with an army of small bald-headed children
and some creature that I'm guessing is the inbred, cross-bread spawn of the
Nike swoosh and Gatorade...}

Michael Jordan "Hey, no more pondering for you! I'm here to tell you who
you want to be like!"

Kestler "REALLY?!"

Jordan "You wanna be, wanna be, wanna be like Mike."

{The children all break into song. The Nike.Gatorade creature begins eating
the children. Many of them break out of the trance and run away screaming.
Jordan gets a confused look on his face...}

Jordan "I don't know a slogan to explain this. Looks like an NBA return
for me."

{Jordan takes off his Nike sump suit and goes back to the NBA...or rather he
ATTEMPTS to...Rob and Cassie's attention is diverted long enough for
Plandeux to appear and abduct Michael Jordan and add him to his army of
devastating creatures and space oddities. Plandeux disappears and the scene
changes to his space ship...}

Michael Jordan "What's going on here? Who do you want to be like?"

Plandeux "HA! Silly human!"

{Plandeux slaps a mind control device, which happens to have the Nike swoosh
on it, onto Jordan's neck...}

Plandeux "Now you're going to be like ME! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

{Fade on Plandeux's laughter.}