The Saga of the Three Kings - Episode 6 by: Garth Thompson Posted on: Sunday, December 14th 2008 8:24 PM Written: Sunday, December 14th 2008 {Open to Chris Davidson driving a car at night. In the back seat is Psycho Jay and in the passenger seat is Chris Davidson's girlfriend Amy who bears an uncanny resemblance to Slog from the children's television program "Tak and the Power of Unused Cut Scenes". The car is speeding down a highway in southern Minnesota.} Jay "Turn right here to get onto the freeway. Then take the exit for..." {Chris Davidson ignores him and turns the car onto a small side road so rapidly that it lifts onto two wheels for a moment.} Jay "Man, we're in the boondocks now. Where the fuck are you driving us?" Davidson "This is a shortcut to get home quicker. Gotta drive. Gotta drive fast." {Amy grins uncannily. The car races through the 35mph speed limit suburb at roughly 3 times that speed.} Jay "Well, at least we're moving fast. And we're driving recklessly so we might hit someone which is cool. But I've got to take a leak. Look. there's a gas station, stop there." {The car is shown driving very quickly past the gas station. The wind force of the speeding car knocks over an attendant who was putting up a sign labeled "Now pre-pay only, bastards!" with a big smiley face.} Davidson "No time to stop. Have to get home quick." Jay "What?!?" {Amy grins uncannily. The car is shown turning down Steverson Drive and a few blurry figures are visible in the distance.} Jay "Wait a minute...is that Kestler? It is Kestler! And it looks like he's being hassled by a motivational speaker and two washed up and possibly undead magicians. We've got to help him! Pull over!" {Chris Davidson's teeth clench and his hands tighten on the steering wheel. Amy continues to grin unnervingly.} Jay "Didn't you hear me!!! Our home-boy Kestler looks like he's in serious trouble! Pull over! HOLY FUCK THEY JUST DROPPED TWO FUCKING WATER TANKS ON HIM!!! FUCKING PULL OVER NOW!!!!!" {Chris Davidson's eyes squint and his foot lowers to the floor as their car races past Kestler and his assailants. Soon Kestler has disappeared backwards over the horizon as Jay looks out the back window with his seatbelt unbuckled.} Jay "DAVIDSON, seriously!?! What the fuck was that? Kestler was fucking getting killed and you won't even pull over to help? Plus I still have to take a leak! What the fuck is wrong..." {Jay stops talking as he notices that the area behind the back seat has been filled with boxes. Curiously he holds one up and reads it.} Jay "What the f..." {The box reads "Pompeian Ultra Condoms 300 gross count." As Jay looks down he sees that there are nearly 50 such boxes crammed into the car. Amy starts to chuckle lightly and this gradually grows into a fully blown manical laugh. Davidson's eyes glaze over. Jay screams as the car drives off into the distance.} Jay "NO! ROB! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" {Fade.}