Chad's Utopia . Com - At The Beach - The hilarious stories of Rob Kestler as told by Chad Wagner and Garth Thompson

At The Beach
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Friday, June 7th 2002 12:13 AM
Written: Sunday, October 28th 2001

{Scene fades into Rob Kestler and super friend Ben Archer (the duct taped picture of him at least) at the beach. Rob is searching through his Winnie the Pooh beach tote-a-long bag and pulls out a little two piece bikini swimsuit...}

Rob Kestler "This should fit you well super friend Ben Archer!"

{Kestler duct tapes the suit onto the picture of Ben Archer...}

Rob Kestler "Now you're ready to catch some rays, pick up chicks, and get your mad surf on."

{The picture sits there, unmoving...}

Rob Kestler "Now I must see if I have a novelty giant beach ball in this Winnie the Pooh bag of Jiveness."

{Kestler searches meticulously for 15 seconds. Chris Davidson then walks by and points at Rob..."

Chris Davidson "HAHA! Rob doesn't have any balls!"

Kestler :-(

{Kestler searches more but to his dismay, there is no beach ball to be found. Poor Kestler and his lack of balls...}

Kestler "Hey Super Friend Ben Archer, you know a lot about balls. Do you know where I could find some?"

{The picture doesn't answer. A midget dressed in drag and wearing a little "Ben Archer" sign on it walks by...}

Midget Ben Archer "You have no penis. Bye bye."

{Midget disappears and Rob KEstler is sad....see...}

Kestler :-(

{Kestler decides the beach is no fun so he straps super friend Ben Archer (the picture) onto his moped and they drive to Cassie's farm in Southeast Bumblefuck, Iowa...}

Kestler "I think we'll have a better adventure here! Let's homogenize and pasturize milk! YAY FUN!"

{Kestler grabs his super friend and runs to the milking shed where he uses super friend Ben Archer (the picture) to milk the cows, much to the dismay of the cows of course...}

Kestler "Time to get our pasturize and homogenize on!"

{Kestler poors the milk into a giant vat and begins to wait...}

Kestler "BOOOOOOOOOOOORING!"

{After 5 seconds of old fashioned milk pasturization and homogenization Kestler decides to add his own personal touch...radium. Kestler zaps the vat with concentrated radium...}

Kestler "THere, done and done."

{Suddenly a growth begin to emerge from the milk...}

Kestler "uh-oh...Come on Super Friend Ben Archer! Let's get out of here before someone realizes we created another new form of super intelligent and super strong milk viruses like those other 8 times."

{Kestler grabs the pictures and leave in a brilliant flash of sillyness.}