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Bela Legosi as Rob Kestler in Schitzo Tod: The Motion Picture
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Friday, June 7th 2002 12:15 AM
Written: Friday, November 3rd 2000

{Scene fades into Bela Legosi who is supposed to be Rob Kestler wearing a
"Professor IQ says 'T-Shirts Keep You Warm!'" T-shirt. They are on the
streets of Minneapolis just standing there for no apparent good reason...}

Bela Kestler "Stupid Cyanide all being alive so I have to wrestle on
Friday. It's alright, I'm in top physical condition and a former World
Champion so I should do well."

{Camera pans over Bela Legosi who is well over 100 years old and probably
dead...}

Bela Kestler "I have full confidence that I will come out victorious. But
first something of importance must get it's going on...on."

{Schitzo Tod walks out of the Psychic Porn 'n Go and he has managed to wipe
the German sperm off of himself. Tod notices the camera...}

Tod "Moo?!"

Bela Kestler "Hello Tod. What it is?"

Tod "Who are you?"

Bela Kestler "I am Rob Kestler, your bestest buddy in life."

Tod "You don't look like Rob Kestler."

Bela Kestler "How so?"

Tod "Rob Kestler is alive."

Bela Kestler "Man you're nit-picky today."

Tod "Sorry."

Bela Kestler "Now that we know beyond all doubt that I am the real Rob
Kestler let's do something."

Tod "Cool! Let's go play full contact billiards."

Bela Kestler "No, that sounds too strange."

Tod "Nude bowling for potato chips."

Bela Kestler "Too active."

Tod "Make a rocket out of household materials and sticks and fly to the
moon and mine it for all it's worth in cheese?"

Bela Kestler "Too much building and flying."

Tod "Pong?"

Bela Kestler "Too much pong."

Tod "Derp?"

Bela Kestler "Zerp."

Tod "Are you sure you're Rob Kestler."

Bela Kestler "Yes! Do you need proof?"

{Bela bends over and exposes the tattoo of William Shakespeare that he has
on his ass...}

Bela Kestler "See! I appreciate the arts enough to have them permanently
labeled on my posterior."

Tod "So?"

Bela Kestler "So that makes me Rob Kestler."

Tod "Oh, what are we going to do?"

Bela Kestler "Let's make a movie."

Tod "Cool! A movie.........about what?"

Bela Kestler "This arrogant wrestler, who shall remain nameless but for the
sake of argument let's call him Zoey Number Two, takes over the wrestling
world with his enticing personality and his take charge style."

Tod "Oh...."

Bela Kestler "It ends with him dying in a horrible Llama accident."

Tod "Cool!"

Bela Kestler "Oh, wait, can't do that."

Tod "Why?"

Bela Kestler "Dunno."

Tod "Ok. ummmmm...........what should we make then?"

Bela Kestler "How about Tod the Movie."

Tod "Cool!"

Bela Kestler "Let's start making it now!"

Tod "Ok."

{Strange pause as nothing happens for 17 minutes...}

Tod "What am I supposed to do in Tod the Movie?"

Bela Kestler "Just look into the camera and act natural. Now......ACTION!"

{Tod looks into the camera and doesn't nothing. He just stares blankly. He
starts to shuffle his feet and little bit but basically just stands there
for 12 minutes...}

Tod "Moo?"

{Scene slowly fades out as they prepare for take number two. Bela Kestler
talks with Tod extensively about how he's going to beat Cyanide. Probably
about 150 to 500 MB worth of transcript worth because Bela is long winded
about his claims of victory.}