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Getting the band back together!
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Friday, June 7th 2002 12:34 AM
Written: Wednesday, November 22nd 2000

{Scene fades into John Smythe standing around humming to himself...}

John Smythe "Hum" (Yes, he actually phonetically said the word hum, what did you expect.)

{Smythe hums for a while...}

John Smythe "I think I'll go and fly a kite in a site highly populated by puddle ponds and power lines wearing and aluminum suit with no pants on."

{John Smythe shucks off his clothes, puts on his aluminum suit, grabs his kite and begins to slosh around puddles while flying his kite dangerously close to power lines. Suddenly a woman walks into the scene, sees the kite flying close to the power lines and John Smythe sloshing in puddles. The woman then sees John Smythes penis and passes out. John Mcrae walks on the screen and begins to slosh in the puddles also as the screen cuts to Rob Kestler sitting in the Psychic Porn n' Go...}

Kestler "I need a new promo entrance segment..."

{Cuts to the new rob Kestler promo entrance segment. Rob Kestler is wearing only a Jamie Kosoy official yamica, a pair of speedos, and a radisson hotel towel as a cape as he runs through the streets of Minneapolis while the original Batman theme song is playing. Rob stops a jay walker from crossing the street and gives them a thumbs up when the use the cross walk...}

Song "NANANANANANA KEST-LER!"

{Kestler pulls a kitten down from a tree but cutting down the tree with a hand ax. The tree falls onto the neighbors PT Cruiser and totals it, the kitten is safe at last...}

Song "NANANANANANA KEST-LER!"

{Kestler volunteering at the lard burning factory...}

Song "NANANANANANA KEST-LER!"

{Kestler buying groceries...}

Song "NANANANANANA KEST-LER!"

{Kestler flying over the city...}

Song "NANANANANANA KEST-LER.....KEST-LER.....KEST-LER."

{Fades back into Kestler sitting in the shop...}

Kestler "NANANANANANA KEST-LER!"

{Suddenly Rob rejoins reality, Limp Bizkit walks into the room...}

Kestler "Hey, you guys aren't very popular.."

Fred Durst "Shit man, we're like the most influential rap rock group since Godsmack."

Kestler "No, you need something to make you popular."

Fred Durst "In addition to our constant self promotion by using our own name in our songs, our constant air time, associations with other bands, and just being annoying?"

Kestler "Yes, what you need is a better name."

Fred Durst "We do?"

Kestler "Yes, from now on you will only be known as Leak Bizkwik."

Fred Durst "We would never sell out man! We're musicians."

Kestler "Napster is cool with it."

Fred Durst "Alright, if Napster is cool with it then let's do it."

Kestler "Oh, and you also need to change your name Fred."

Fred Durst "NEVER!"

Kestler "Your new name is Star Burst."

Star Burst "Fucking no!"

Kestler "I'll give you money."

Star Burst "Ok."

Kestler "Cool."

{Leak Bizkit leaves to hastily throw together another album. In walks Psycho Jay...}

Psycho Jay "Hey, what are you doing?"

Kestler "Nothing, just sitting around reorganizing main stream bands for kicks."

Psycho Jay "Hey, do you think it's a coincidence that Fred from BMG music ended up dead after I sent my letter and that the lead singer of Limp Bizkit is named Fred."

Kestler "Don't worry, they don't exist any more."

Psycho Jay "Finally sanity."

Kestler "Excuse me, I have to go and rid the world of the color green. Later Jay."

Psycho Jay "Later idiot."

{Scene fades out as Batman theme plays.}