Chad's Utopia . Com - Kestler Komedy Karavan - The hilarious stories of Rob Kestler as told by Chad Wagner and Garth Thompson

Kestler Komedy Karavan
by: Chad Wagner
Posted on: Sunday, June 9th 2002 12:45 AM
Written: Thursday, January 4th 2001

{Scene fades into Psycho Jay and Rob Kestler inside a run down comedy club.
Rob Kestler is dressed like a dolphin tonight just for kicks...}

Kestler "Alright Jay, how is this supposed to make me all better?"

Psycho Jay "It just will."

Kestler "Ummm...ok."

{They stand there perfectly still. "One Tin Soldier" plays in a background
it stops and everything is back to normal...}

Kestler "Jay?"

Psycho Jay "Idiot?"

Kestler "What am I supposed to do to be funny?"

Psycho Jay "Did you already forget those hours of Kell footage we watched
so you would know how to be funny somehow?"

{Cuts to Jay and Rob in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sleeping bags. Both
are asleep. Jay is drooling over himself and Rob has spilt pop corn all
over himself. Kell promos continue to play on the TV as they are further
thrown into mind numbing hypnosis. AWS Man (Also known as Bill) walks into
the room and sees the Kell promos...}

AWS Man (Also known as Bill) "HOLY FREAK!"

{AWS Man (also known as Bill) is thrown into an instant coma. Fade back to
the present and the comedy club...}

Kestler "pop corn isn't fun to sleep on."

Psycho Jay "Then you remember that night well."

Kestler "So, what do I do?"

Psycho Jay "Just go out there and talk."

Kestler "Oaky day!"

{Rob Kestler walks on stage...}

Announcer "And our next performer. He owns a porn shop. He's psychic.
He's KWAZY! He's Rob Kestler and his Kestler Komedy Karavan!"

{Kestler grabs the mic...}

Kestler "Derp."

{Kestler stands perfectly still and waits. Jay yells at him off stage...}

Psycho Jay "It's not completely like talking! The audience won't reply
back!"

Kestler "Golly, this could be more difficult than previously thought."

{Fades into Kestler's idea of stand up comedy. The clips of Janitors four
and eight battling to the death. Fades back to reality...}

Kestler "Ummmm....hi."

Guy in the audience "GET OFF OF THE STAGE YOU FUCKING REJECT!"

Kestler "Ok."

{Kestler walks off stage...}

Psycho Jay "He's a heckler, you don't actually do what they say."

Kestler "Ok."

{Kestler walks back on stage...}

Kestler "That was a good one guy. But I won't fall for your wily tricks
again."

Guy in the audience "YOU FUCKING SUCK!"

Kestler (yelling towards Jay) "What's the opposite of that so I can
properly thwart him?"

Jay "Talk about Jewish people!"

Kestler "Ok, two Jewish people walk into an oven shop."

{Kestler is pelted with lobsters...}

Kestler "Ah! They're attacking!"

{Kestler runs off stage...}

Psycho Jay "Perhaps we'll have to refine your act a little bit and try a
different club."

Kestler "Oaky day!"

{Scene fades to a lobster in the pants of Kestler's dolphin suit.}